Decisions
Geoffrey Brown

They left. They arrived. They left. They came back. They went back. They came back. They went back. They came out. They went in.

He had her from behind, arms around her waist. She fell forward, almost down. He pulled back. Heaved her up. Her arms limp. Swung. The sun came up.

He pointed at the door. 'In there,' he said.
I went in.
He shut the door.

'Don't touch it,' she said. When he didn't touch it she said, 'Go ahead. Touch it.'
He touched it.
'How did it feel?'
'I don't know.'
'You can touch it again,' she said. 'Touch it again.'

He went ahead. He pushed through. Used his arms. Used his hands. Squeezed past. Got through. Went on.

I stayed in my seat. I didn't get up. I sat. I sat up. I sat down. I never got up.

Something happened. It felt good.

Each afternoon I take a walk. I walk.

I waited. It was late. It was too late. He wouldn't come. I waited.

He helped her dress. Picked out her clothes. 'Put this on.' He zipped her. Buttoned her. He smoothed her out.

I got to thinking I was wrong. I got to thinking I was right. 'Maybe I was right,' I thought. 'Maybe I was right all along. Maybe I only thought I was wrong, but all along I was wrong about not being right. Maybe I was not right about being wrong. Maybe being right was not right. Maybe all along being wrong was right.'

He opened it. She told him he could open it. 'Go ahead and open it,' she said.

One night he thinks of something they could do. 'That's not something I want to do,' she says. He goes away and thinks. He thinks of something they could do which is not what he thought they could do before. 'That's not something I want to do either,' she says.

I can't believe what happened happened. I didn't believe what happened would happen. I can't believe what I didn't believe would happen happened. I knew that what I didn't believe would happen would happen. I wanted what I didn't believe would happen to happen. I was hoping what I didn't believe would happen would happen. I can't believe what I didn't believe would happen happened.

I sat down. I was tired. I got into bed. Closed my eyes. I don't think I slept. I feel as though I slept. I don't think I slept. I might have slept.

She put her hand on his head. She let it rest a moment there.

It came and it went. It came and went. It came and went. It will come. It will go. It will come and go. It will come and it will go.

He felt like grabbing her. He felt like grabbing on to her. He felt like reaching up and grabbing on to her.

I watched what she could do. She said, 'Watch what I can do.' I watched.

Maybe it was me. Maybe I'm to blame. Maybe it's my fault. Maybe I'm the one.

I stay in bed until she leaves. I listen. She locks the door. It clicks. I hear it click. I hear her going down the stairs.

He opened it. He slit it. Sliced it. Peeled back what he'd opened. Pried. Pulled. Closed what he'd pried.

They are not all good. Not all of them are good. Some of them are good. Some of the ones that are not all good are good. Some of the ones that I'm calling the not all good ones are good. Some of them are good. Some of them are bad. Some of the ones that I'm calling the not all good ones are bad.

I decided I would bring it home. I wasn't sure I wanted it, but I thought, Bring it home. Then decide. I got it home. I decided. I don't know what to do.

1996 © 2004